The Truth Is...

      Two years, two months and ten days, what is that signifigant of you might ask? Well, that is the amount of time that passed from May 14, 2013, when I burned my pain pills on an alter to God as I know He requested of me, to July 24, 2015, when I relapsed.  It was when I reached the point of broken faith.  You see I had always lived in the arena of make believe, and trying to make it into reality, the disappointment that comes from that leads to shame and guilt from all the wrong things done.  When I did for the first time ever what God told me to do regardless of what anyone might think about it, I was set free.  I stepped out of the life of shameful lies and deception, giving my best performances to make reality out of the fantasy I was living in.  Sure, it took some time to adjust to living in the "real world" that being said, I finally felt like I was empowered by the very Spirit of God.  I felt and saw things that I had never experienced before in my life.  

      The longer my walk became the more radical it got, I myself was in awe of the things God was doing in my life and through my willingness to be available to Him for Him, no matter what.  In the book of Luke 10:16, Jesus said,  "He that heareth you heareth me; and he that rejecteth you rejecteth me; and he that rejecteth me rejecteth him that sent me."  I spoke for God, but I did not protect myself from the enemy with the armor of God each and every day.  You see, Satan and all his band of darkness sit and wait, they gather information about you and me, and when they find that one weakness, they hammer it hard.  The discovery of my greatest weakness, "rejection" was the beginning of the end.  When I believed with all my heart that I was doing Gods will, I was rejected by people close to me, I had wrecked any trust that was placed in me.  When I was rejected for things I was doing I couldn't handle the hurt, and instead of going to my Savior, I ran away.  I turned to the most destructive things in my life, drugs and alcohol.

      The truth,  I have spent 16 days totally turning my back on those that lifted me up, making myself feel better through instant gratification.  Where I am right this minute is not the life God planned for me, and that's the truth.


Isaiah 61:1  The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; 

     

      

God In a Box

     There are many names for God, and there are many scriptures that testify to His limitless power.  We as His most amazing creation seem to glorify Him the least, even the animals that He created praise Him.  It seems to me that in giving us a free will we act as though we don't need Him, inspite of the fact that we alone can do nothing to save ourselves from an eternal death sentence.
 
    In Luke 10:19 Jesus said;  "Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you." 

Can you even fathom what Jesus meant when He said this?    He has given us power over the enemy and nothing shall hurt us.  Wow! Now the only thing that is needed on our part is to tap into that, and not put our human limitations on the power we have been given in Christ Jesus.   That's when we put God in a box, there is an action that through our free will we limit God, on somethings that is.

     It seems to me that there are things in our lives that we believe are just to small to bother God with, on the other end of the scale there are things that we act as if they are to big for God, we keep Him in this cozy little space that boxes Him in too what we believe He can handle.

      I believe that it is time to find out what this world and what life as a true follower of Jesus can be like and take God out of the box we keep Him in, take away all of the boundries that we place on God and do as Philippeans 4:6 says; In nothing be anxious; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

I know that this is a rather short post, in light of that I want us all to think about how we can take the restraints off God and finally live the life that He chose for us through His son Jesus.

I leave you with this, in 2Corintheans 12:9 the apostle Paul stated he had an affliction, three times he asked God to remove it and Gods answer was; And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
There are some things that God allows to rest upon us, this is to keep us living a humble, yet powerful life through Jesus.

For the Joy

Hebrews 12:2  Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

What was the joy that was set before Jesus?
I would say that it was to be back in heaven next to the father on the throne, my friend said "the joy of having His children back with Him."

As Christians, meaning those of us who have recieved the gift of eternal life, we are to present to the world an image that is like Jesus, according to this verse we are to look to Him because Jesus is the author and the finisher of our faith.

Now Jesus endured a horrific crucifixtion on the cross, this verse says that He did it for the "joy" of that which was set before Him, if Jesus can do that for us then how much easier should it be for us to endure the hardships of this life, because of the joy that is set before us, you know eternal "life", lets look at the joy set before us the next time we feel like life is just gonna kill us.

Pills onthe Alter

      I could take you back many years, but I believe 2009 is a good place to start.  It was winter and I worked for a small town in northwest Georgia.  My job was to maintain the City Park and playground through the winter and then in the spring prepare the city’s public pool for the summer swimming season.  The park was also a place that men and women could come and work off community service hours for the court as part of their probation for various arrests and convictions, but most were for drug possession.  It didn’t take long, through time spent in conversation, for it to be known that I liked opiate based pain pills, Lora tab, Morphine, and my personal favorite Hydrocodone.
By the time summer rolled around I had a pretty good racket going, trading pain pills for community service hours.  I felt no pain, physical or emotional, I was a working machine.  Life was good, or so I thought.

     On August 3rd, 2009 my awesome world crashed down around me.  During my morning duties I was arrested and charged with felony bribery, and possession of a schedule III narcotic.  After I was fired from my job I was carted off to the county jail where my bond was set at $50,000.00, I didn’t know how the system worked, but I knew for sure we didn’t have that kind of money just sitting around. I prayed hard that night as I layed on that bunk with my back against the wall of the cell, I prayed for two things, that God would just kill me and do it quickly.     He chose neither; instead I was released on bond the next day, I didn’t know why then, but God always has a plan.  
Jeremiah 29:11-13 says; (11) For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 
(12) Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 
(13) And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

I stayed clean for the next four months, but then I contracted a very painful and debilitating illness that caused my immune system to attack my nervous system, and it felt like I was being cut from the inside out.  I was declared disabled and without hesitation I was put back on pain pills, and many other medications to combat this illness, I was too weak to walk and spent six months in a wheelchair.   I travelled to the Nashville VA hospital for intravenous treatments for five weeks.   During the first three months of 2010 there were times I would think about my illness, being disabled and my upcoming court date on April 29th 2010, when I would be sentenced for my charges, which I was told could possibly be 34 years in prison.  During this time my thoughts would become dark, and I would take my revolver out and clean it, taking my time wiping it down, staring down the barrel, and cleaning each individual bullet.  I thought of ending my life, so I wouldn’t have to face the future and the shame of what I had done, not necessarily to myself but to my family, my friends, and God.  Obviously God had another plan for my life, or I wouldn’t be here testifying. Through physical therapy, and a whole lot of prayer, I got out of the chair and used a walker.  On April 29th 2010, to my amazement, I was sentenced to 7 years probation, and because I was disabled I had to write a 100 page essay, instead of community service.  I thanked God, and started going to church.

Over the next three years I slowly slipped further away from God and deeper into addiction to pain pills.  My marriage slowly fell apart and I didn’t even notice, I just stayed numb.  A friend of mine started telling me about a recovery program called Celebrate Recovery.  I started going to meetings in April of 2013.  It was helping me, but I was still abusing pain pills and staying numb.

    At about 8:30pm on May 14th 2013 I found myself in my kitchen, I had reached the end of myself and God allowed me to see myself, for what I was, a liar, a cheater, an addict.  For the fourth time I had pushed away everyone that loved me and I had chosen drugs over everything.  I cried out to God, I couldn’t stand to lose my life, I asked God to help me, I couldn’t do it on my own.

Romans 5:6 for while we were yet weak, in due season Christ died for the ungodly.
Romans 5:8 But God commended his own love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

God told me on that night, at 9pm to build a small alter and burn my remaining pain pills to Him and I would not need them.  To my amazement everything that I needed to build this alter was right there in my kitchen, so I did what I believe God told me to do, and at 10pm on May 14th 2013, I poured my last 26 pain pills into this alter, and stepped out in faith as I set it on fire.  

I then got involved in a Celebrate Recovery 12 step, and got deeper into the work of studying the Bible.
 Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living, and active, and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing even to the dividing of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and quick to discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
It has been over 18 months since I have taken any pain pills, God truly is the only way out of the addictions and the poor circumstances we put ourselves in.            

Is it easy? No.
Matthew 7:13 Enter ye in by the narrow gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leads to destruction, and many are they that enter in thereby. 
Matthew 7:14 for narrow is the gate, and straitened the way, that leads unto life, and few are they that find it.

Is it rewarding? Yes.
Matthew 16:27 For the Son of man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels; and then he shall reward every man according to his works.
  If you don’t know Jesus, I urge you to heed His call.  In the book of Mark, Jesus said;
Mark 1:15 And saying, the time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel.

Be Still...

  I'm by no means a Bible scholar, I have no Ph's or letters at the end of my name,  I am a grateful follower of Jesus Christ, Who is being renewed daily and my struggle is Robert.
    I was troubled this morning, physically that is, from a late night of ministry and doing the work God called me to do.  The events of the past month have led me to a place of chaos, formed and instigated by Satan, after getting permission from God the Father, and this chaos has actually brought me to a stand still, no vehicle to drive because it is wrecked, and as a result of that wreck, by doctors orders I am not allowed to drive.  As best as I can I have continued working in the ministry God has placed me in, speaking, and getting rides, and trying to keep the former pace that I was running at, until this afternoon.  In my simplicity I researched the Bible as best as I could, and I only found one verse that uses the entire phrase,  
"Be still, and know that I am God"

Psalms 46:10  Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. 

Now I know there are people out there that know more about the Bible than me but just bare with me, I also know that for me at this season of my life this verse should read, "Be still, and shut up, so you will know that I am God."  
I let the enemy have to much of the stage in my mind, spouting whatever they can to get me off track, to keep me in the flesh, in this world of darkness.  Praise God I also know that I have the ability to be still; step 1) I get on my knees
step 2) I remind the enemy what Jesus gave me in Luke chapter 10, and I tell them to shut up;


Luke 10:19  Behold, I have given you authority to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall in any wise hurt you.   

Step 3) I rejoice in what Jesus did for me;


Luke 10:20  Nevertheless in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rejoice that your names are written in heaven. 

He wrote my name in heaven, what an awesome Savior.
So like Jesus did, take time to be still (on your knees before God) telling Him how grateful you are for all the things He gives, and while you're being still don't forget to tell the enemy to shut up, after all it is about Jesus, and not us.

"It's All In My Head"

The picture you see is my 2004 Chevy Trail Blazer, a true gift from God. Let's go back in time and find out how this beautiful gift could meet such a terrible demise.

How is it a gift from God you ask? Because at the end of September of this year, 2014 that is, the SUV I was driving was to small, I needed a vehicle that could seat seven or eight persons. I spent quite a bit of time asking God for this vehicle that could seat 7 or 8. On October the first I saw this beautiful blue Trail Blazer sitting on a very small corner lot, it was hard for me to miss for two reasons, one it is my favorite color, and two there were only six other cars on the lot.

I confided in a friend at my weekly recovery meeting that I had been praying for a bigger vehicle to carry my teenage daughter and her friends, plus me and my nine year old. I had become the taxi service that carried all the kids to church each week. All that and my little SUV was starting to have transmission problems. My friend told me that they could help me out a little financially, and when I found something to let them know.

After dropping my girls off at school, I passed the little car lot for the fourth time, and my car was having an extremely bad morning, it was not running well at all. So as I looked over at the Trail Blazer I pulled into the car lot. As I talked with the owner I shared my recovery story with him, he also had come out of a bad drug addiction many years ago. I asked him what he was asking for the Trail Blazer. He told me he wanted $5,500.00 for it. I asked him if he would take my old SUV on trade and some money down. He told me he would give me $500.00 for my car, just to be clear I asked him if that's all I needed was $5,000.00 and we would be square, he said "Yup!" I told him I had a friend that said they could help me out, and I would call them to see how much help they could give me as a down payment.

So I drove my old car home, about 2 miles from the car lot, I went in the house and sent my friend this text message; "I found a vehicle, how much financial help can you give me."
The following ten minutes were the longest hour of my life, just sitting there waiting for a reply. When the text came back, all I could do was sit on the couch with tears of joy streaming down my face, the text read; "I can help you out with up to $5,000.00."

I called my friend on the phone and told them how much the man wanted for the Trail Blazer, my friend told me to come that night and pick up the check, made out to the car lot. The next day I went and picked up the Trail Blazer, what an amazing gift from God through my friend. I carried all six kids to church and carried tables to a ministry event, I drove over 275 miles in two days for my ministry. There is also quite a bit of stress involved in my life right now.

So on my way home from a ministry event, Saturday October 18, 2014, around four-thirty
in the afternoon, I blacked out while driving down a curvy country road, the result was leaving the road way and side swiping a mail box with the mirror, and dropping into the ditch where there was a solid concrete driveway, which put us, me and my two daughters, up on the two driver's side wheels. That's where I came back to a conscious state of mind. I steered the car back down on the now broken and flat front and rear passenger side wheels, and skidded it to a stop where you see it in the picture.

After I made sure the kids where okay, I assessed the damage and made all the appropriate phone calls to the authorities, and my wife. Once we got the Trail Blazer towed home I called my neurologist. After talking with her for an hour she stated that I should not be driving, so I have not driven for a week now, and in 3 days I will be having my head examined. Just kidding, but they are going to do an EEG, one of the possibilities is that I am having small seizures. Only time will tell, until then, I own a $5,000.00 paper weight, and the way I got to this point as my dad would say is, "All in my head."  I am just kidding, it is by no means a paper weight.  I hope to have it repaired and my medical issues under control soon, then it's back to carting kids to church and hauling anything my ministry may need.

Choose

Philippians 1:21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. 
Philippians 1:22 But if to live in the flesh, - if this shall bring fruit from my work, then what I shall choose I know not. 
Philippians 1:23 But I am in a strait betwixt the two, having the desire to depart and be with Christ; for it is very far better: 
Philippians 1:24 yet to abide in the flesh is more needful for your sake.

The Apostle Paul wrote this in a letter while he was in prison, he was tormented and his life was very harsh, but given the oppertunity to "choose" life or death he realized that his life no matter how harsh or tough was more needed for the sake of furthering the Gospel and the message of Jesus Christ, than chooseing to lay down and die and going to spend eternity in the comfort and joy of Christ in Heaven.

We who call ourselves followers of Jesus Christ must follow the example of the Apostle Paul, no matter how tough this fleshly life becomes we must "choose" to live as Christ and further the Gospel message, even though giving up seems easier. I would love to spend eternity in the rest of my Savior, and not have to deal with the pain of illness, or the challenge of my lack of mobility, but I "choose" to live and share the awesome news of our Savior Jesus Christ. I challenge you my fellow believers to do more than just believe, stand up with me and LIVE!!!

No matter your present situation, claim these verses in the book of James;
James 1:2  Count it all joy, my brethren, when ye fall into manifold temptations; 
James 1:3  Knowing that the proving of your faith worketh patience. 
James 1:4  And let patience have its perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, lacking in nothing. 

In the past month I have gone from a life that was a breeze, I was enjoying the work of my ministry, my church and the fellowship of many.  My home life was great and everyone was happy, to a life that has been filled with one struggle after another that has finally led to my doctors telling me not to drive, or do anything that could be deemed as hazardous, until they perform an exam and possible EEG.

So I stand, as I tell my children, when adversity comes you show who you are by how well you handle it, giving praise to God joyfully for the test, which brings strength, or if you fold like a lawn chair.  I have had "lawn chair" moments, but then I realize, who I want to be, and how my Savior Jesus Christ would handle certain situations.  Be encouraged friends, trials and triumphs are Gods steering wheel of our life, I'm being turned quite sharp right now, but the best is yet to come.